Have you ever felt unfairly judged because of something you did or said?
I have, and somewhat recently, too. It was over something so incredibly benign the comments I received should never have even left this individual’s lips.
Now, you’re probably wondering what the deal was. I told a co-worker I was seeing the same band three times in five days, travelling overnight to catch one of the shows. No biggie, right? It’s something many fans would do if they had the opportunity and means. It’s something I’ll ALWAYS do if I can. After all, who knows when an artist will suddenly decide to retire, or choose not to return to your area?
So did my revelation merit the comment, “Oh…you’re one of THOSE?” (To get the full effect, imagine that last word dragged out for a few seconds, and add a condescending little laugh.) ‘Those’ apparently, implied groupie chicks who follow bands to have as many chances as possible to stare at their rock God’s tight asses, and who hope and pray to get backstage for some nookie.
Um, no. That’s not me. I love MUSIC – it speaks to me in countless ways. I’m an author – I love lyrics and words, and write songs myself. Why then, did I take on the hue of ripe tomato and feel like curling up into a little ball of shame the second she uttered those words? Why did I imagine a finger being wagged at me for my behaviour – even though I was doing nothing wrong?
One word: Stigma.
Stigma? What do you mean, Maddy?
Well, according to Merriam-Webster.com, a stigma is “a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something”.
The simple truth of it is the world is filled with stigmas and misconceptions. People who follow bands like I do are, in a good chunk of society’s eyes, considered groupies. Even if we’re not groupies, we’re usually just lumped into that category anyhow, because for some that’s easier than trying to understand.
In FIREFLY, this is how our girl Libby feels too. She’s a topless dancer, and even though she’s amazing on that stage, she is so incredibly ashamed of what she does and who she’s become she can’t bear to reveal her true identity. She’s terrified of the stigma associated with exotic dancers affecting her normal daily life.
But, ladies and gents, that’s not living. If we are forced to fit into these tiny, boring boxes, we will lose ourselves. We will lose everything that makes us special and unique and wonderfully different. So whether you’re an erotic romance author, are a total tomboy who’s told to ‘act more girly’…whatever unfair stigma it may be that’s got you boxed in and locked away, kick down those walls, hold your head high, and be unabashedly YOU – because there is nothing in this world more beautiful than that.